31 Things Barbie Never Knew

Barbie's debut in 1959 is a distant galaxy away from 2013. I'm told little girls--straddling two centuries--still want Barbie cakes and pink boas and princess dresses along with their smart phones.  And when they grow up, our culture tells us they want a killer wardrobe and a red convertible with or without Ken or a suitable substitute. With all due respect to Mattel and its marketing genius, our girls will learn that life is no fairy tale to be lived in the confines of a pink vinyl Dream House. Life is too big for that. Real Life out of the Barbie box calls for a breadth skills that Barbie never needed and a depth of spiritual maturity to sustain us through the collapse of dreams and rebuilding of new ones.

This world's goods aren't enough.

Fashion falls short.

The blister pack of outfits with matching plastic pumps pales in comparison to the resources needed to face life outside the Dream House. It would take Skipper and Midge and Scooter and the whole crew to create a community of women and men to address life skills 101. We can help equip our daughters today with knowledge far better than a wish for Happily Ever After. 

  "31 things to teach your daughter" has been circulating with unnamed authors. I saw a compilation and made some changes tonight as I considered it. This is not comprehensive, but rather a starting place for a conversation for our girls...our nieces...our daughters. It is in stream-of-consciousness format: alternatively addressed to and about the girls of a coming generation.

[I've already lived through the 60's and '70s once, so please give a little grace for addressing boys and girls separately. I have learned that's it's actually ok....political correctness aside. Anyone reading this is likely inclined to be generous and not critical anyway. Thanks.]

1. Learn how to give a firm handshake. Teach girls to initiate a handshake confidently. Teach boys too.

2. Look people in the eye when you talk with them. Learn to express yourself well. 

3. Show respect for yourself and act in a way that is worthy of respect. This includes the way you dress and speak. Yes, it sounds old fashioned, like something out of the '50s. I make no apologies. Some things are just timeless.

4. Make new friends and keep the old. Plastic shoes are disposable; people are not. We need one another.
 
5. Pay attention to how guys treat their moms, and stay clear of the ones who are not respectful. Don't kid yourself: You are not likely to be the exception.

6. Don't turn red flags pink. When you see a red flag in a relationship, don't tell yourself that it's really no big deal; it is. You can't make it fade or disappear. It is there as a warning.


7. Know how to change a tire, throw a football, drive a stick shift, and use a drill.

8. Have your own tool kit and know how to use it.

9. Don’t be afraid to use your voice – sometimes it’s the most powerful tool you have.

10. Know basic self defense – be able to get out of a situation, and run fast. And use that powerful voice.

11. Teach them how to apologize well; it will be necessary often. Model it for best results. The word "Sorry" is not an apology. And practice accepting an apology. Forgiveness is not easy, and it is not optional. 

12. Images published in magazines and online are photoshopped. They are altered reality. Anyone can manipulate brush strokes to have flawless skin or look skinny. Confidence and optimism are more attractive than a size on a label. And joy that comes from within beats a fake smile any day.

13. Laugh often, but not at others' expense. Laughter can diffuse a challenging situation, especially when you can laugh at yourself.

14. Block out the toxic voices that tell you you are not worth loving. You are beloved of the Father and a precious child of God. Not every opinion is worth listening to; Listen to the ones that matter, and learn whose opinion you will allow to shape your thoughts.

15. Advertisers spend millions to get into your head and wallet, and they are exceedingly good at it. Don't buy everything they are selling. And don't buy what you do not need.

16. Life is full of mountains and valleys. Not all mountains can be moved no matter how much we try. We learn--like that childhood Bear Hunt--sometimes we have to go through it. Or around it. To get to the other side. Practice courage and perseverance. Both are needed.

17. Write a proper handwritten thank you letter. Texting is no substitute. Add to this basic table manners. Manners is shorthand for many behaviors taught in Barbie's day and encompasses a way of living in community with courtesy for others. Showing concern for the other person is in short supply today. Please. Thank you. Excuse me. Do not interrupt grownups. Boys and girls who have good manners are welcome most anywhere, I remember learning. Manners have gotten caught in the crossfire of our culture, and our lack of civility and boorish rudeness bears witness to their demise. 

18. How to manage her money.

19. Nobody has it all. Don't fall for that one either.

20. How to handle herself online – using effective privacy settings, remembering that anything shared is already out of her hands, and knowing that people online aren’t always who they say they are. This is a minefield in her future.


21. Be slow to anger. 

22. Love fiercely.

23. Dream big, and set realistic goals. You can accomplish far more than you think you can.

24. Develop your strengths and talents. Know your personal limits and weaknesses as well. Once you identify them you can use them as a platform for action in your life and a landing place to rebuild.

25. Most things worth having or worth doing require sacrifice. Count the cost. Everything has a price.

26. Try to live with few regrets.

27. Just because it’s never been done doesn’t mean it can’t be done. Push the limits. Try. Try again. That's not trite; its called perseverance, and it's hard. You can do hard things.

28. Learn basic sewing skills. Everyone needs to know how to sew on a button and mend a hem. Just another form of a toolbox--with a string.

29. Trust your instincts. If it feels wrong, it probably is. Listen to that prompting, and don’t silence it.

30. Life comes unraveled when we least expect it. Sometimes we mend and help another; sometimes we need mending. Know where to go and how to ask for help. In my faith experience, there is a Healer who mends our broken places; God sometimes cures in the mending, but always  provides a way through life's unraveling times, moving toward ultimate healing.

31. There is more to this world than meets the eye. Pursue things that last. Develop an eternal perspective.



Thanks to Sally for beautiful Barbie cake. ;-)

January Days: New Beginnings in 2013

"To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. 

To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. 

But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God.

It is what we need more than anything. 
 

It liberates us from pretense; humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us."

~ Tim Keller

[emphasis mine]

And so I'm thinking.....

Liberation:

Freedom from posturing and pretending.

Always comes at a price.

 Humility:

Cannot occupy the same space alongside pride.

Pride consumes all the air.

Something's gotta give.

To be known and loved as we are--not as someone else wishes we were--is a rare experience in our world.

 

That kind of love fortifies us for the task at hand, for the tasks of a lifetime. We dare to do great things because we are not afraid.

We are not afraid of failure. We are not afraid of losing the love we once thought we had to earn. Because, we reason, if we had to earn it, we could also forfeit it in one fell, disapproving swoop.  

Fear of failure holds us hostage no more; it holds no power to control or to manipulate.

And we dare to do small things with great love, as Mother Teresa suggested, which is no less bold than attempting greatness from the outset.

Love always liberates, never enslaves.
 
We need that kind of fortifying power, that kind of strengthening of our souls when life threatens to destroy that which we thought would stand firm. For some, that means we witness the deterioration of marriages, homes, relationships, health. A picture of glacial calving comes to mind with its constantly changing state of an icy coastline. Calving may occur bit by bit or in tumultuous crashing, but few are spared the changing shape of things to come in this world.

We make life plans. 

Think things are settled for a season. 

But when one thing changes, as my mother says, it changes everything. Life unravels around the edges first because that's where it's most vulnerable. Unbound cloth, as it were.

We come to find that confidence placed in anything other than the love and grace of God will not always endure. But a life of faith bound up in this powerful love and held together in grateful communion with the God who will never let us go and does not leave us alone does not merely endure--thank you, Jesus and Mr. Faulkner--it prevails.

Thanks be to God. 

 

  

  

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Words are building blocks in our lives, erecting a solid foundation and sturdy walls to house a developing self or a flimsy shelter that cannot withstand the onslaught of life's prevailing winds. I think often of the impact our words have on those we love.

My friend, Kelly, whose wisdom spilled over onto this page before, is living life after brain tumor surgery last summer. Observe the manner of love of her two-year old:

Simon was asking lots of questions about my hair. I told him that Mama is growing her hair long because she doesn't feel very pretty with short hair. Simon held my face in his hands and said, "Mama, you are a VERY pretty girl. You are a VERY pretty girl with short hair. And I love your neck!

May we, too, gently hold the faces of those we love--caressing literally or figuratively--as we speak honest words of truth and love into their lives. We all need someone to speak the truth into our insecurities and to call us out of ourselves sometimes.
"And a little child shall lead them..."

Wise in our own eyes?

But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all
pure;
then peace-loving,
considerate,
submissive,
full of mercy,
and good fruit,
impartial
and sincere.

From James 3:17

Do these qualities punctuate our conversations and relationships? Are we living lives that exhibit wisdom, or are we merely wise in our own eyes? People have always been content to do what was right in their own eyes (Judges 17:6). "That's just the way I am," we say to justify behavior or attitudes.

Are we lovers of peace or promoters of conflict?

Do we habitually exhibit consideration for others, submission and mercy in our dealings with others--especially those with whom we live?

What is the fruit we bear? If we are known by our fruit, or by the company we keep, what does that say about us?

Do we stir up dissention to further an agenda in our partiality, or are we impartial? And what does that mean anyway--to be impartial with regard to wisdom?

Just a few questions that come to mind as I read that passage today. I'll be thinking about wisdom. May God inspire our reading and understanding and give us grace to change when we need to grow toward Christ-likeness.

Dandelion photo copyright by Rob Kiser. Used with permission.

Seeing is Believing?

The reading for Sunday, December 11, 2011

26 In the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God to a city of Galilee named Nazareth, 27 to a virgin betrothed to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. And the virgin's name was Mary. 28 And he came to her and said, “Greetings, O favored one, the Lord is with you!” 29 But she was greatly troubled at the saying, and tried to discern what sort of greeting this might be. 30 And the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. 31 And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus. 32 He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. And the Lord God will give to him the throne of his father David, 33 and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.”

34 And Mary said to the angel, “How will this be, since I am a virgin?”

35 And the angel answered her, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be called holy—the Son of God. 36 And behold, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son, and this is the sixth month with her who was called barren. 37 For nothing will be impossible with God.”

38 And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her. Luke 1: 26-38

Connie said today in regard to this passage, "Perspective matters."

I agree. Having an eternal perspective gives one a different view of life at any age. It may not remove the fear factor for us--notice how each angelic visitation I can recall in scripture is accompanied by the 'do not be afraid' words, perhaps because we tend to startle easily in their presence--but seeing with the spirit allows us to take in a bigger picture than merely the scene our human eyes see.

An analogy that comes to mind: If we could change the aperture of our eyes, if we could alter the length of rays we see and change our ability to focus on near and far distant objects, then we might grasp the power wrapped up in perspective. Yes, it sounds super-human. It is the stuff of fantasy books for many, the idea of e-ray vision or peering through closed doors. But daily we use lenses to sharpen our focus while reading or typing or driving and to allow us to see much farther into the distance than our eye can see alone. Why then do we all not apply the lens of the spirit which aids in seeing what we cannot otherwise see clearly? That is what the spirit is made for. May we learn to see with eyes of the spirit.

May the Spirit of God touch our lives with truth and beauty through the unexpected events of the coming week.

May God grant wisdom liberally--superhuman insight that enables us to see beyond our circumstances.

And when we encounter those moments when we, like Mary, can only ask How can this be?...How can I live with this? ...How can we move on beyond this crushing loss of all that we had planned? may we, too, yearn to see a bigger picture. It may seem like looking through a glass darkly for we are not made merely for the limitations our bodies experience in this life, but one day, we shall see clearly and know fully, even as we are fully known.

Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. I Cor 13:12

We expect God's divine intervention while we choose not to look at the things that are seen but at the things that are unseen, for the things that are seen are subject to change. 2 Cor 4:18

Thanks be to God. Let it be according to your will.

Nativity Facade of La Sagrada de Familia, Antoni Gaudi, Barcelona.

In Our End is Our Beginning

The stone above anchors the contemporary entrance to the Facade of the Suffering Way, or the Passion Facade of La Sagrada de Familia in Barcelona. The Greek letters alpha and omega are carved in stone, showing that the beginning and the end are linked inextricably and represent Jesus.

In our end is our beginning...

Gaudí designed the portal during a serious illness in 1911, and it was in his own suffering that the last weeks of the life of Jesus were told. Another sculptor was charged with the task of creating the sculptures in 1988, and the impressive artistic and theological wonderland is still progressing toward completion. It is a glorious undertaking!

We rarely notice the connection between suffering and glory until we either are walking through it ourselves or with someone we love. In the midst of the dark night of the soul it is hard to perceive glory. We can't make out hope among the shadows. It looks too grim. Where is the glory and goodness in this, we implore?

It is significant that it was precisely in his own suffering that he identified with Christ. May we, too, find a way to live into the mystery of God's presence and promises when we experience life-threatening challenges, and as we long to be faithful companions to others on the journey.

A favorite hymn reminds me of this truth:

Hymn of Promise

In the bulb there is a flower; in the seed, an apple tree;
In cocoons, a hidden promise: butterflies will soon be free!
In the cold and snow of winter there’s a spring that waits to be,
Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.
There’s a song in every silence, seeking word and melody;
There’s a dawn in every darkness, bringing hope to you and me.
From the past will come the future; what it holds, a mystery,
Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.
In our end is our beginning; in our time, infinity;
In our doubt there is believing; in our life, eternity,
In our death, a resurrection; at the last, a victory,
Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.



By: Natalie Sleeth and Copyright © 1986 Hope Publishing Company