Witch or Mom? It's Hard to Know the Difference Sometimes

Mother’s Day offers the yearly chance to express in words and actions all the ways we wish we had

shown appreciation daily. If only it were that simple.


But has that May holiday conceived over a hundred years ago to honor the sacrifices of mothers for

their children been a victim of commercialism gone awry?  Hijacked in part by a greeting card industry

which does the talking for us so we don’t have to, Mother’s Day has become big business.


The founder of this holiday came to lament her efforts to recognize it officially. Anna Jarvis resented the

very attachment to this holiday we have come to see as customary pairing with it: The joint venture of

confectioners, florists, gift boutiques all promote ways to honor mom. She envisioned a more personal,

even religious tribute to mothers and resented the transformation of her noble gesture into a churning

industry.

Sometimes we still make the simplest expressions more difficult than they need to be.

Was the world so different then?  I checked my history facts with a few clicks and saw in 1907 the news

was peppered with disputes over immigration policies, baseball games in full swing and international

disputes over borders and takeovers. So what’s new?


Yet notable firsts occurred then too, reminding me that the five-year campaign to have a national

holiday honoring a woman was ground-breaking. Radio was in its infancy and seemed magical.

Marconi’s first wireless transmission across the sea would change the world. Music was broadcast for

the first time in America. Now we have it at our fingertips or in our ear buds.


And for women the picture was quite different. In the U.S. and Great Britain women were marching for

the right to vote while Finland was the first European country to grant suffrage to women. In a related

development that ultimately would help get women off the washboard and some into the boardroom,

the first automatic clothes washer and dryer were introduced.


But I digress.

How and why we chose to honor those we love is a personal choice. It’s not just a holiday, but any day

we choose to make expressions of thanks a priority.

We make it more difficult than it needs to be when we delay our expressions of appreciation.

 

 It’s the thank you note principle at work: The length of the note is in direct proportion to the promptness in writing a thank you note in proximity to the event being referenced. A short, heartfelt timely note need not
be long.

Southern women smile about those women – and we know them – who are famous for prewriting thank

yous and placing them in the mailbox when they leave an event. They know what we know: Timeliness

matters. They just act on it.


For those recovering procrastinators among us who intend to follow through on our expressions of

appreciation, the timeliness principle works against us. If we don’t do it promptly, it may cost us.

Enter Hallmark cards with their prewritten sentiments that purport to tell us better than we can say

ourselves, “Thank you” and “I love you.”


Any way you say it is surely better than delaying. And if you didn’t adequately express your thoughts

when you wished to, say something today. Whether your mom is living or not, just try writing even if for

your eyes only. A tribute offered posthumously or in person need not be flowery. Child-like simplicity

will do it.

Sometimes the words in our hearts just want to be coaxed out. We just need a safe space to do it.

My longtime friend and frequent source of joy and inspiration, Betty Parry, related a story that lingers

with me months after it happened. The honest question of a child gets to the heart of who we are.

A few holidays ago, Betty had dressed up her front porch for trick-or-treaters. She was in her pointed

black hat adjusting the wires of a recalcitrant fog machine for the full effect. Betty doesn’t do anything

halfway. 

An eager little boy about four approached. Seeing Betty in her black regalia, he stopped in his tracks in

the yard and hesitated: “Are you a witch…..or a mom?”

Sometimes it’s hard to know the difference in life. Many things are not as they appear. We learn early to

be discerning.


But he already knew: It’s safe to approach a mom even when surrounded by fog on a dark night. 

Mother’s Day may be over, but the call to live with gratitude for all of those who give of themselves to

us comes to us fresh each day.

Happy Mother's Day and Happy 81st Birthday, Daddy

One generation commends your works to another; they tell of your mighty acts. Psalm 145:4

I am thankful today for two parents who began a long road together in December 1952. Armed with all the energy and innocence of youth, fueled by love and unflagging determination to a shared purpose, fortified by their families who stood behind and beside them cheering on these two barely-20 year olds, they charted a course together. 

And then there were three....then four....five, six, seven and so on, each one coming in due time until there were nine of us piled in that Ford van or that Mercury wagon. Now we do not fit in any vehicle. Numbering 37 strong, we await the arrival of three more this month to swaddle the same way she taught us how many years ago. 

One generation teaches the ways of wisdom to the next, and if we are wise, we take it to heart. 

They say it started over  mom's homemade white cake with white icing and a first date to First Baptist Church of Hattiesburg's revival. It only takes a spark to ignite a fire, but much more is needed to sustain and manage the blaze over the long haul. The time will come when each of us is road-tested and battle weary. When we run out of steam. When it's not fun anymore. What do we do then?

There's got to be more than cake and preachin' to see us through.

I look upon the example of dear friends and family God has allowed in my path whose faithfulness is marked by forgiveness in good measure, grace to give space when needed, courage to face an uncertain future, perseverance when we see more road blocks than road ahead, and love whose limit has yet to be found.

Someone asked me 30 years ago, "How can your parents divide their love by all those children? I know how much I love my children, and I could never divide it up that way." 

I found the question odd, but answered it the only way I could. "They don't divide."

"They don't divide. It's not a pie where there is a fixed amount of love and each one gets a smaller share. Love multiplies."

Love grows when shared. Love--with all it attendant joys and heartaches--expands. That's the nature of love; We simply cannot contain it or limit it if we tried. Knowledge will fail us. Understanding will fall short. We need something beyond our math operations and management skills to help us navigate this life. I find that being rooted and grounded in love is essential.

 For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,  may have power, together with all the Lord’s people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,  and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:14-19

Thank you for hanging in there with all of this crazy bunch all these years. We love you dearly!

The living, the living--they praise you, as I am doing today; parents tell their children about your faithfulness. Isaiah 38:19

Matters of the Heart

Above all else, guard your heart,
    for everything you do flows from it.

Proverbs 4:23

 

Its unassuming blue canvas cover with gold stamped lettering on the spine sits humbly on the bookshelf. Few would guess that its content began a revolution overturning conventional wisdom and launching its record-setting trajectory that continues today. But peering behind the curtain of time is a back story close to my heart.

It is early spring in Oxford in 1955 in the building that still bears his family name. Dr. Arthur C. Guyton stands in the locking knee brace he invented before his first year physiology students. W. B. Saunders had approached him about writing a book, and he needed someone to draw figures, as he called them, to illustrate his concepts. A classmate raised the arm of another student and urged, “Sonny, you can draw.”

“See me after class,” Dr. Guyton said.

These four words changed my father’s life. They began a journey with pen and ink and daily brushes with genius. 

Dr. Guyton’s offer provided an artist’s dream: a LeRoy lettering set, a Sears catalog for ordering supplies, an  actual office down the hall from his for working and studying, and—as though that were not gift enough—a paying job for four years. Such proximity to a man of Dr. Guyton’s intellect and generosity of spirit yielded incalculable life lessons.

That new blue book published in 1956 would be the Textbook of Medical Physiology, still the definitive text for medical education in the world.  

The first and second editions contain young Brantley Pace’s original hand-drawn figures and illustrations in pen and ink and employ the then-high tech zip-a-tone for others. Graphic design in the 1950s was a skilled hand and an elbow.

Dr. Guyton said in his original preface, “Many will look upon this one-man attempt to write a physiology text as extremely presumptuous.” Except that he was the one man who could do it. Who said, it’s not bragging if it’s true? 

Many have documented his storied tenure at the University of Mississippi Medical School and his unquestioned genius. UMC writers including Maurine Twiss, Barbara Austin and Janis Quinn have written of his legacy. Janis Quinn and Carroll Brinson, whose mother taught me piano in Monticello while I am walking memory lane, authored a favorite book Arthur C. Guyton which offers fascinating reading.

Guyton’s devotion to his wife and family is central to the person he was, and no mention of his gifted life can omit this aspect. We have family Christmas cards from the 1960s with black and white photos of the enlarging brood of Guytons still tucked into the old books with personal notes from Dr. Guyton to my dad. His beloved Ruthie, as he wrote her name in the dedication of Function of the Human Body, Modern Asia Edition, another book my father was blessed to illustrate, was an amazing woman in her own right. 

The University of Mississippi through Guyton began educating medical professionals around the world in the 1950s and 1960s. My brother was doing orthopedic surgery in Croatia two decades ago and fetched a copy of Guyton’s text from the bookshelf there. Few would expect such ripples from this small state.

Fifty-seven years after its first printing, this masterwork is in its 13^th edition with Dr. John Hall as co-author. Such a publishing feat is unprecedented. 

My daughter had it on her textbook list this fall in a nurse practitioner program in Nashville and overheard someone question, “University of Mississippi?...” She could only smile.

When considering what we are to do in this life, I believe our calling is rooted in our giftedness. We often find our calling at the intersection of ability and opportunity. When our talents meet a profound need we have the chance to test drive that calling and see if it is affirmed.

Dr. Brantley Pace is still practicing medicine 58 years after that fortuitous raised hand initiated a journey with Dr. Guyton he cherishes more each year.  And he still pulls out his pen to draw a figure to illustrate a point or to offer a cartoon bunny rabbit for the children.

I am grateful for life’s unexpected blessings that flowed from one man's careful examination of the heart.

 

  

31 Things Barbie Never Knew

Barbie's debut in 1959 is a distant galaxy away from 2013. I'm told little girls--straddling two centuries--still want Barbie cakes and pink boas and princess dresses along with their smart phones.  And when they grow up, our culture tells us they want a killer wardrobe and a red convertible with or without Ken or a suitable substitute. With all due respect to Mattel and its marketing genius, our girls will learn that life is no fairy tale to be lived in the confines of a pink vinyl Dream House. Life is too big for that. Real Life out of the Barbie box calls for a breadth skills that Barbie never needed and a depth of spiritual maturity to sustain us through the collapse of dreams and rebuilding of new ones.

This world's goods aren't enough.

Fashion falls short.

The blister pack of outfits with matching plastic pumps pales in comparison to the resources needed to face life outside the Dream House. It would take Skipper and Midge and Scooter and the whole crew to create a community of women and men to address life skills 101. We can help equip our daughters today with knowledge far better than a wish for Happily Ever After. 

  "31 things to teach your daughter" has been circulating with unnamed authors. I saw a compilation and made some changes tonight as I considered it. This is not comprehensive, but rather a starting place for a conversation for our girls...our nieces...our daughters. It is in stream-of-consciousness format: alternatively addressed to and about the girls of a coming generation.

[I've already lived through the 60's and '70s once, so please give a little grace for addressing boys and girls separately. I have learned that's it's actually ok....political correctness aside. Anyone reading this is likely inclined to be generous and not critical anyway. Thanks.]

1. Learn how to give a firm handshake. Teach girls to initiate a handshake confidently. Teach boys too.

2. Look people in the eye when you talk with them. Learn to express yourself well. 

3. Show respect for yourself and act in a way that is worthy of respect. This includes the way you dress and speak. Yes, it sounds old fashioned, like something out of the '50s. I make no apologies. Some things are just timeless.

4. Make new friends and keep the old. Plastic shoes are disposable; people are not. We need one another.
 
5. Pay attention to how guys treat their moms, and stay clear of the ones who are not respectful. Don't kid yourself: You are not likely to be the exception.

6. Don't turn red flags pink. When you see a red flag in a relationship, don't tell yourself that it's really no big deal; it is. You can't make it fade or disappear. It is there as a warning.


7. Know how to change a tire, throw a football, drive a stick shift, and use a drill.

8. Have your own tool kit and know how to use it.

9. Don’t be afraid to use your voice – sometimes it’s the most powerful tool you have.

10. Know basic self defense – be able to get out of a situation, and run fast. And use that powerful voice.

11. Teach them how to apologize well; it will be necessary often. Model it for best results. The word "Sorry" is not an apology. And practice accepting an apology. Forgiveness is not easy, and it is not optional. 

12. Images published in magazines and online are photoshopped. They are altered reality. Anyone can manipulate brush strokes to have flawless skin or look skinny. Confidence and optimism are more attractive than a size on a label. And joy that comes from within beats a fake smile any day.

13. Laugh often, but not at others' expense. Laughter can diffuse a challenging situation, especially when you can laugh at yourself.

14. Block out the toxic voices that tell you you are not worth loving. You are beloved of the Father and a precious child of God. Not every opinion is worth listening to; Listen to the ones that matter, and learn whose opinion you will allow to shape your thoughts.

15. Advertisers spend millions to get into your head and wallet, and they are exceedingly good at it. Don't buy everything they are selling. And don't buy what you do not need.

16. Life is full of mountains and valleys. Not all mountains can be moved no matter how much we try. We learn--like that childhood Bear Hunt--sometimes we have to go through it. Or around it. To get to the other side. Practice courage and perseverance. Both are needed.

17. Write a proper handwritten thank you letter. Texting is no substitute. Add to this basic table manners. Manners is shorthand for many behaviors taught in Barbie's day and encompasses a way of living in community with courtesy for others. Showing concern for the other person is in short supply today. Please. Thank you. Excuse me. Do not interrupt grownups. Boys and girls who have good manners are welcome most anywhere, I remember learning. Manners have gotten caught in the crossfire of our culture, and our lack of civility and boorish rudeness bears witness to their demise. 

18. How to manage her money.

19. Nobody has it all. Don't fall for that one either.

20. How to handle herself online – using effective privacy settings, remembering that anything shared is already out of her hands, and knowing that people online aren’t always who they say they are. This is a minefield in her future.


21. Be slow to anger. 

22. Love fiercely.

23. Dream big, and set realistic goals. You can accomplish far more than you think you can.

24. Develop your strengths and talents. Know your personal limits and weaknesses as well. Once you identify them you can use them as a platform for action in your life and a landing place to rebuild.

25. Most things worth having or worth doing require sacrifice. Count the cost. Everything has a price.

26. Try to live with few regrets.

27. Just because it’s never been done doesn’t mean it can’t be done. Push the limits. Try. Try again. That's not trite; its called perseverance, and it's hard. You can do hard things.

28. Learn basic sewing skills. Everyone needs to know how to sew on a button and mend a hem. Just another form of a toolbox--with a string.

29. Trust your instincts. If it feels wrong, it probably is. Listen to that prompting, and don’t silence it.

30. Life comes unraveled when we least expect it. Sometimes we mend and help another; sometimes we need mending. Know where to go and how to ask for help. In my faith experience, there is a Healer who mends our broken places; God sometimes cures in the mending, but always  provides a way through life's unraveling times, moving toward ultimate healing.

31. There is more to this world than meets the eye. Pursue things that last. Develop an eternal perspective.



Thanks to Sally for beautiful Barbie cake. ;-)

Lessons from a Glass Jar

One of my earliest experiences in prayer occurred fifty years ago today and includes the governor’s mansion, Miss America, and a mason jar.

February was Heart Fund month, and the race was on all over Mississippi to see who could raise the most money for the heart association. Each of the girls—first grade through high school--had a jar to collect donations.  If you grew up in a small town, you may remember the sight: mayonnaise and mason jars adorned with valentines and photos of the girls placed alongside the cash registers in the Western Auto, drug store and grocery stores – prime real estate! I was only in the third grade, but I launched my campaign to win.

 My parents would not let me put out my jar in town much to my dismay; I was left to earn money from chores and to collect spare change at the end of the day. The teacher tallied totals on the blackboard daily, and the handwriting on the wall told me I was in trouble.

As February 14 drew near, my anxiety grew. The prize was to be Queen of
the Class. The Overall Heart Fund Queen for the town received the grand prize: a trip to the
Governor’s Mansion in Jackson where all the statewide queens would gather for lunch. The rumor spread quickly that they had a solid gold bathroom.

How significant was this dream to be queen? Princess costumes still sell wildly today, but this was back in 1963. Mary Ann Mobley and Linda Lee Mead had won back-to-back Miss America as Miss Mississippi. Even as a third grader, I was impressed. To add fuel to the queenly fire, I had just been on the front page of The Daily Mississippian seated in the lap of my aunt who had been crowned Miss University. I was star struck among those glamorous girls. Surely there was a crown in my future!

On February 13, I had assessed the class totals and knew that--barring a miracle--I would not win. The night before the big day I prayed my little seven-year-old heart out, asking God to please let my daddy put a twenty dollar bill in that jar before morning. Nobody would come close to that. I knew he could do it. I believed.

I awoke the next morning with eager anticipation, and there sat my jar: no twenty. Didn’t my parents want me to win? It was within their power to make it happen. It would have been so easy, I thought.

No, I didn’t win--not even the top of my little third grade class.

 At the end of the day, however, I do remember how pleased my father was to learn that Lucy, a high school senior had won. Lucy was one of his favorite patients, an irrepressible young woman stricken with polio who moved through the halls of the school with her aluminum crutches.

When I voiced my disappointment – okay, I was seven - my father put his arms around me and hugged me close offering both comfort and wisdom I was unable to perceive then. He had a different perspective and helped me frame the disappointing experience: “Marita, you’ll have many chances to go to Jackson in your life, and you'll see the governor’s mansion; but Lucy never dreamed she’d have a day like this.”

The town of Monticello proclaimed a day for Queen Lucy with her picture on the front page of The Lawrence County Press.

I have reflected on what I saw as unanswered prayer and learned a lesson from that little heart fund jar. Sometimes our prayers are like my childhood prayer:  “God, you can do this! It is not too hard for you.”

In some ways we still ask for the thing we think would put us over the top. It may not be “please put a twenty in the heart fund jar”, but fill in the blank for our own personal crisis. We tell God precisely how to fix a person or situation. And just like my lesson 50 years ago, we still don’t get what we ask for.

Does that mean we didn’t ask with the correct incantation to make our prayer acceptable to God? Perhaps proper verbal tweaking likely was not and is not the missing link. Sometimes what we desire just does not come to pass.   Prayer is one of life’s mysteries.

 From my limited point of view, the answer looked easy; but my parents had a different perspective--a bigger picture in mind--and the quick fix I wanted was not the best for me.

When we are in the midst of true disappointment now as adults, facing times of real anxiety, we implore God through prayer. We give thanks for what we call answered prayer when what we seek comes to pass, but the place of anguish is when we do not get what we want. We may not see a way out barring a miracle, so we ask God in the only way we know how: pouring our hearts out earnestly and sometimes begging for the solution we seek. God is big enough to take it all and sift it lovingly. Our God remains steadfast to meet our deepest needs, though help may come in times and ways we cannot anticipate. Yet, God is trustworthy.

And my father was right, as always.

Several parents who heard this story recently said indignantly, “I can’t believe your parents did not let you win! What was wrong with them?” I think that is another difference in parenting in the sixties and today, but that is another topic.

We have taught our children what might be dubbed the gospel according to the Rolling Stones:
“You can’t always get what you want….but you get what you need.”  Put another way, “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” 2 Corinthians 9:8

How God Changes Your Brain

The bumper sticker in front of me read, Prayer Changes Things. I must confess, I don't like bumper sticker faith. I bristle at the notion that faith and mysteries of life might be reduced to a vinyl glossy sound bite slapped on a car. Faith is bigger than that.

Though the bumper sticker may be true that prayer changes things, it is also true that Prayer Changes Us.

In addition to 12 Essential Reason to Yawn, posted here previously, I found notes written in my journal while reading a book in the serenity of a sunlit library at the Duke Center for Integrative Medicine during my stay with Cindy.  How God Changes Your Brain, a compilation of the team of Newburg and Waldman's research from a variety of traditions, offers the following excerpts among other conclusions:

  "Intense, long-term contemplation of God and other spiritual values appears to permanently change the structure of those parts of the brain that control our moods, give rise to our conscious notions of self, and shape our sensory perceptions of the world."

And further, "Contemplative practices strengthen a specific neurological circuit that generates peacefulness, social awareness, and compassion for others."

The authors present this thought in a chapter on ways to exercise our brains:

"If you stay in a contemplative state of 20 minutes to an hour, your experiences will tend to feel more real, affecting your nervous system in ways that enhance physical and emotional health. Anti-stress hormones and neuro-chemicals are released throughout the body as well as pleasure-enhancing and depression-decreasing neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin. Even 10 - 15 minutes of meditation has been shown to have significantly positive effects on cognition, relaxation and psychological health." (p. 159).

What helps us relax and let go enough to contemplate and pray? Sometimes we need the help of visual and mental prompts. Pictures of a quiet place? Images of peace and calm? Whatever we find helpful, let it take us there. Often.

Some folks consider meditation doing nothing...just sitting there... a complete emptying of one's self. I can see how such an understanding leads us to feel that we are wasting our time when we could be doing something constructive. It's the American way: get busy. Be Productive. Perhaps this reminder will help alleviate the guilt of doing nothing while praying and giving time to devotional reading and contemplation by informing that we are, in fact, doing something!

Practices that build emotional, spiritual, and even physical health and well-being are to be celebrated in our lives. Do not feel guilty in choosing to give time to addressing this important need. Know that we are doing something vitally good for ourselves. And when this component is missing in patterns in our lives, we might not be surprised that we do not operate at optimal levels.

Go in peace and in the power to change our lives--power that God has already given.

Make time for serenity.

 More summer reading?  My favorite book on the broader subject of the brain has been Change Your Brain, Change Your Life,  by Daniel G. Amen, M.D., a gift from my uncle in about 1998. This book on the working brain can help to optimize patterns in the brain to help us be more effective in day-to-day life. I deeply appreciate the source of the gift: our uncle whose own life has been devoted to enhancing the lives of his patients through many decades. Especially in treating of ADD/ADHD school children and stroke and traumatic brain injury patients, Dr. Harold L. Russell has dedicated his life to unlocking for lay people the power of the brain's plasticity and malleability to help us adapt to changing situations. He is most recently a contributing author to Music, Science, and the Rhythmic Brain: Cultural and Clinical Implications (Berger and Turow).

With This Ring: How to Keep a Mid-Life Crisis at Bay?

It first fit the hand of her great, great-grandmother.

Hand engraved before there were machines to do it, vintage script reads "Norman to Marie 1898". This simple band of gold saw the turn of the 1800's into the 20th Century.

Queen Victoria sat on the throne, wielding her broad influence in fashion and furnishings with unprecedented longevity. Here in the U.S., President William McKinley faced unrest at home with the Spanish American War, economic challenges, and inherited problems from a still-smarting division of a nation lingering from the American Civil War. Some things never change.

Living, breathing men and women created that history we only read about in books. Those in our family tree had their hands full making a living the best they could, I imagine.

Marie wore this ring as Victorian gave way to Edwardian. She made her life raising three children in Alabama and Mississippi. Her large, capable hands must have worked hard in those days before dishwashers and automation. I see whitewash on the old home place in the photo we have, and I remember whitewash comes only after moving up in the world. There was no extra paint to spare in those days.

Her youngest child, Minnie, came to possess the ring, who passed it on to her only child, who gave it to his son.

This is where I -- though only for a fleeting moment -- come in, if you'll permit this point of personal reflection.

My husband, upon our marriage in 1982, wanted to wear this ring of his paternal great-grandmother. We had it engraved in the only space left to reflect our initials and date. I still see his tan hands wearing this ring in my mind's eye, though time does a number on us and has its way of enlarging joints. As time moves on, so do we in a manner of speaking. I have outgrown my wedding ring size too.

He is sporting another substitute band that fits now, and our youngest child chooses to wear this family ring daily, along with my too-small ring my groom placed on my finger on this day years ago.

Thirty years ago today to be exact.

She wears them as a reminder of a love that promises to endure.

When we pass along truth to another generation, it is difficult to know what will really last and what will be like chaff in the wind in their own times. Fierce winds blow now. I feel it all around.

I pray this ring will remind her that Love does not love 'as long as I feel like I love you'.

It does not love 'until a better offer comes along'...nor does it love as long as its needs are met.

Love -- we have learned and are still learning every day -- is an act of the will: Love is not a feeling; Love is something you do. Do the things love does.

We learned this from our friend and pastor, Dr. Maxie Dunnam, in our early years of marriage and have drawn from that fount of wisdom many times over the years.

We have needed the reminder too many times to count.

Just this week my husband brought home a book, LOVE is Something You Do, by John R. Bisagno. In the center of the book - half-way through exactly -- stands a chapter on the mid-life crisis. Read from this, all who think they are too young to be affected and those who believe it's too late, I urge, because it is never too late to do the right thing if given the opportunity.

We might be squarely at middle age -- who is to say? -- but this chapter has some nuggets I'd like to share, mixed with my own thoughts.

We need its common sense and wisdom, as this commodity is not so common anymore. Perhaps it was prevalent in 1898, but our social context today has an overlay that is "all about me."

Can we do anything to keep the mid-life crisis from eroding a marriage?

1. Rejoice in the stage you are in right now. Mid-life has many reminders of fleeting youth and attractiveness. Some grasp desperately to cling to virility and desirability as they see it. When we learn to accept with grace whatever stage we are in, we do well.

2.Seek out wisdom and learn from Godly people, not just from those who support what you want to do; that's the easy way out.

3.Remember there is no perfect marriage. Ours will not be either.

4. Counteract the allure of the affair. Face up to what you have to lose.

5. Stop rationalizing. Those excuses are the voice of the tempter.

6. Face the facts. Do not compromise your honesty.

7. Follow the Biblical prescription: Repent. Remember your first love. Do the first works. This is what Jesus said in Rev. 3 to his bride, the Church, who had forsaken him.

For those who do not successfully navigate the mid-life (or early-life or late-life) challenges of marriage, know that God's grace is sufficient for us.

There are so many who are suffering the heartbreak of a divorce that they did not seek and do not want. I wish to be able to bring more healing and wholeness, and humbly show the way to the only Way I know to receive reconciliation and forgiveness and grace for the rest of the journey. This, too, we try to pass on from one generation to the next so that each will be equipped for the challenges of a new day.

From 1898 to 1982 to 2012 and for each day thereafter.....bread for the journey!


(and, yes, I know that merely by posting this reflection, I am setting myself up for increased challenges/frustration/temptation -- whatever you might call it -- on the homefront. I believe that is a price we pay when we take such a stand. It's nothing new. I pray to be faithful and not give a foothold to that avenue of attack. )

Does All Mean All?

Sometimes we find ourselves in a bit over our head.

Under water.

Sink or swim time.

We wonder if we are at the end of our resources.

It keeps happening through our life stages. Can we make it through successfully? Can we trust ourselves or others to get us to the other side?

Tasks viewed from a distance may not appear as large or as daunting as they do once they come upon us. Once the time is up and the date is at hand, we can panic. Are we really ready? Have we done enough to prepare for the big jobs looming on the horizon? Can we do this?

It helps to have those in our lives who believe in us.

Those who give us a challenge then help us rise to it.




They teach us, "You can do this. You've done it before. Do not be afraid."

Stitch-by-loving -- or painstaking -- stitch, we tackle the big job.

Step by step we teach ourselves that we can do hard things.




I think of this as the soundtrack of life --the tapes that play inside the heart and mind encouraging us along the way. This score helps us overcome the fears that threaten to weaken our resolve when we face big challenges as well as unexpected interruptions to our plans.

What plays when our mind is idling? What is the music our hearts remember?

Green Converse shoes remind me of the example of one who keeps pushing himself beyond what he is able to accomplish easily and into that zone of discomfort time and time again. He may not know how much I admire his tenacity, his sure-footedness, his ability to live standing on the Promises of God.

I must be sure he knows.


I have seen his gifts offered as a blessing in service to God and others, and I give thanks for all the times he did not stop when it was hard. When he did not give up when the task seemed impossible. When he must have thought he was out of time and talent. Spent. Used up.

And yet, he persevered.

Because, when we come to the end of our rope, God is able. His resources are without number, and his tanks are never empty. He is our All is All.

You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all....



“And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.”—2 Corinthians 9:8

And even if you do not have one who has played a melody of courage, fortitude, love and grace in your life, you and I have a Heavenly Father who still speaks to our hearts: You are my beloved. I have come that you might have life and have it abundantly. Come unto me and I will give you rest. Cast your cares upon me.

At all times.
Having all that you need....

Road-Weary and Movin' On

Today I met Lori who is just passing through our lives, she might say. She reminds me that when we pray for opportunities for ministry, we need not be surprised that God provides people in our path.

Today was such a day.

Lori shared with us about her courageous step on the journey to find safety and a healthy environment for herself and her son. We tried to help meet some physical needs and offered heartfelt prayers for her.

I feel an unsettling gratitude for the simple blessings of this sunny day: getting into a car and driving home without fear of who will be there or what he will do. Of having a quick lunch of hummus and boiled eggs out of my refrigerator. Mundane. But I do not worry if I can find something to eat at home.

I feel a sting upon entering a closet of too much clutter and more than I need, after rummaging through other people's donated black garbage bags to find some clothes for Lori and her son at the church because they left home under cloak of night and only took what they could put in the car. She is not used to getting her clothes from black bags.

Sobering.

My throat feels tight.

Tears well up again.

Psalm 25:4 “ O Lord; point out the road for me to follow.”

I pray it again for her and for each of us because it could be any one of us on that road today seeking safe passage. Our life choices have far-reaching consequences, do they not? It takes courage to break out of the cycle of abuse and stop the madness for the next generation. May God bless her and the millions who cower in fear and have nowhere to go. She still has hundreds of miles to go. And I will not forget her.
O Lord; point out the road for us to follow.